My Personal Experience with Self-Image

My issue with self-image had been a roller coaster ride as I was exposed to social media at a young age just like most individuals my age. I often thought because I didn't look like the women who were portrayed on social media, I was not good enough, even though I had no idea what "good enough" was or even what it looked like at the time, but even though there was a fairly wide representation of women who with different body sizes with their own individual shape as well as women who are of colour but I still felt something was wrong. Overall, I had a low self-esteem, felt anxious and very alone and didn't feel very good with myself as a result of what I consumed and believed whilst scrolling through social media. I started questioning myself a lot regarding social media, such as how it is empowering me, what I would be achieving, and why was social media invented and what is the aim/s of it. I began searching for answers to improve my understanding of the social media medium, and shortly after I came across a Netflix documentary called "THE SOCIAL DILEMMA," as well as many YouTube videos, about body positivity and what I soon realised was how people are never satisfied or comfortable with their appearance due to various social media norms, expectations and beauty standards. (1,3)

Additionally, something which helped my mindset of understanding social media was a Youtuber named “Nicole Raffi” and in her videos, she would often speak bluntly on topics related to social media and because of how positively her videos affected me, I was slowly able to make my social media profiles a space which I could possibly stay on, which included unfollowing all “influencers”, celebrities and just anyone who I did not know personally, I also have created a YouTube playlist which includes a few videos (included in bibliography) and I still often go back to this playlist if I feel low again. (6) Due to insecurities that were formed on social media, such as ‘Hip Dips’, which are not even a reality, in fact it is something that everyone has as part of the human body, I started going to the gym for the goal of becoming "skinny" and to get rid of the hip dips. (7,5)

Going to the gym became relaxing because it became more about moving my body muscles than about weight loss or fitting into some type of body standard. Following this, the Covid 19 pandemic broke out, and gyms were closed, preventing me from hiding away from my body, which was one of the major contributing factors to me becoming comfortable with my body as well as understanding that my body is not going to be the same as anyone else's, and that no one else's body is the same because if they were, there would be no such thing as individuality and it's something I'm comfortable with now as I understand that my body has undergone and will continue to go through various amounts of changes for the rest of my life, and I would like my body to be as natural as possible without the pressures of the outside world, but in order to keep myself active, I started doing Yoga a while ago, which I enjoy and will continue to do as it's free and I am able to do this from anywhere and does not require heavy lifting.

Following this, I quickly realised that social media is just a toxic fake edited environment, as evidenced by all the information I share below. Like many others, it made me feel anxious, stressed, and insecure when I previously looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw, and often changed my outfits before leaving my house, fearing that I would never look good because of the continuously shifting standards. When I first thought about pursuing a career as a professional Photographer, I came across a couple of Editors on YouTube who would edit and modify their photographs using Adobe Photoshop to the extent that the image no longer appeared realistic. I then started thinking of how people edit their photos for social media and how, and when I came around Photoshop for the body and face, I was surprised, and I soon discovered that over half of what is posted could be heavily edited, and I felt guilty to the fact that I had often edited the lighting of my photos before sharing only because I wanted my photos to fit into the "aesthetic standard" of social media platforms.

I eventually reached a point where I was fed up with being stranded on this toxic roller coaster, so I would often delete my social media platforms in an effort to cope with my emotions. This benefited me sometimes as I felt peace, but not often, because I always caught myself wondering "what if I'm missing out on something" or some ridiculous theory in the back of my mind, which recently made me feel far worse, and I noticed I was gradually sinking into a depression. I'm fairly confident to say, I have deleted my Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat profiles, and therefore only communicate with people via text or WhatsApp. I don't regret it because I have seen how productive I have become. I do have struggles with my self-esteem and confidence, but not using social media helps relieve some of the pressure, and I noticed the amount of free time I have access to, when I’m not being distracted by social media platforms. From reading Catherine Price’s “How To Break Up With Your Phone”(39). I was able to come across Deloitte’s post lockdown digital consumer trends for 2020. (40). During my research, I came across the following statistics; out of 2,073 16-75 years old, over 40% of people have active on their social media more frequently and there has been a increase of over 25% of whose whom utilise YouTube, TikTok and other streaming platforms since the global pandemic started.

Bibliography:

1. The unrealistic toxic beauty standards is deadly, 2020 [online video file], Available at :The unrealistic toxic beauty standards is deadly. [Accessed 14 May 2021].

3.The Social Dilemma. 2020. [film] Available at: The Social Dilemma [Accessed 15 May 2021].

Ten arguments for deleting your social media accounts right now. Lanier, J., 2018. Available at: Ten Arguments for deleting your social media accounts right now [Accessed 15 May 2021].

5.Counseling Center.illinois.edu. Year Unknown. Body Size Diversity and Acceptance, [online] Available at: Body Size Diversity and Acceptance

,University of Illinois Counseling Center [Accessed 3 May 2021].

6. Nicole Advice, 2021 [online video file] Available at: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6i_pbEOE34sIX086TIOnsTeH7qVISXLZ [Accessed 2 May 2021].

7. Women's Health. 2021. Read This If You're Super Stressed About Hip Dips. [online] Available at: Hip Dips: Why You Get Them and Why They're Normal [Accessed 4 May 2021].

39. Price, C., 2018. How To Break Up With Your Phone. 1st ed. London: Trapeze, pp.6 & 174.

40.Lee, P. and Calugar - Pop, C., 2021. Post lockdown: a new digital consumer?. [online] Deloitte United Kingdom. Available at: Post lockdown: a new digital consumer? [Accessed 10 June 2021].